“How did you and your husband met?”
“You’re very lucky because you’re married to a foreigner.”
“Have you been to the U.S? What’s it like?”
“Maginhawa na pala buhay mo.”
I get these type of questions and comments a lot. I’m used to it but I also understand where they’re coming from. Filipinos are well informed when it comes to knowing how much the exchange rate is between Philippine peso and other currencies form first world countries. This is why once a Filipina marries a foreigner, people will automatically think we’re instant millionaires or we no longer have to worry about money, to say the least.
However, I’m seeing a discrepancy in this kind of perception from Filipinos. I think people fail to realize that more than the financial security – we too, need to work on our marriages just like everyone else.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and during those years, I’ve learned quite a lot. Some I’ve learned the hard way.
Out of all the lessons I learned from my interracial marriage, I was able to compile a few things that could be helpful for all single Filipinas who are currently looking for a foreign husband whether through online chat or through dating wherever you are in the world.
You SHOULD marry a foreigner if you want..
I’d be a hypocrite if I say I didn’t want financial security. While it’s true that not all foreigners are wealthy, the high value of their currency versus ours remains a FACT. Pero teka lang muna ha, bago mag react ang iba at sabihin akong mukhang pera, let me ask you a question: if you grew up in a poor family, would you also go around looking for a man who can barely feed himself and his family as well? Of course not. NOT if you’re a Filipina who wants a better life for you and your family.
YES your family. Likas sa atin mga Pinoy ang mapagmahal sa pamilya, never natin nasisikmura ang pabayaan ang pamilya natin. (this is another topic I’d like to talk about on a separate blog by the way). So as much as possible, we’d look for a man who’s financially stable and can support our wants and needs. Kapag kaya tumulong kahit kunti sa pamilya mo, that’s even better. However, I want to emphasize that financial security won’t always guarantee a happy marriage.
This is very awkward for me to talk about because duhh? Filipina pa arin ako noh, conservative. Chos! Lol.
But you wouldn’t believe how many people have asked me if my husband is “blessed”. I would always answer YES because it’s the truth. If sexual pleasure is a big deal to you, then marrying a foreign husband might be best for you. I do want to clarify that not all foreigners are good in bed, so you can figure this one out yourself. I can’t give any advice when it comes to that. Lol.
Adorable Mixed Children
About 99% of interracial marriages produce adorable kids. Although I know all kids are adorable, there’s something about mixed kids that will really capture your attention. The mixing of blood from two different races is amazing! Did you know that the number of biracial individuals has gone up so much in the recent years that the future could literally be populated with mixed race? But we all have a tiny drop of foreign blood in our DNA anyway if you look at History.
Improve Your English Skills or Learn a New Language
If you want to improve your English skills or learn a new language, a foreign husband can help you with that for FREE for the rest of your life. You can also join free online chat rooms and communicate with people from other countries to develop and learn a new language.
If you’re interested of meeting men from English speaking countries, I’ve talked about how important it is for Filipinos to learn English in my very first blog so be sure to check it out.
Learn A New Culture
First world countries have a culture that is almost completely different from ours. For example, they value time so much that they make sure they are being productive every day. Aminin mo, tayong mga Filipino nasa higaan pa rin pero yung text natin papunta na na sa tagpuan!
On the other hand, one certain value that Filipinas have kept for a while now that I think foreigners can also learn from is to never make out in public places – to always value our womanhood. Your foreign husband can, therefore, teach you to value time while you can share to him and your children how Filipinos behave appropriately as a sign of self-love.
Gain Respect from People
It’s sad that most people will only respect you if they think you have money. I’ve experienced this so many times, it hurts! There was a time when I went to a restaurant, I first got inside and the waitress has got to be the queen of all bitches. Lol. But when my husband came and she saw him sitting right next to me, she suddenly turned into an angel. I can give you so many instances for the past few years to prove this is true but we’ll get to that some other time.
Want Outside of the Box Thinking
I’m not saying that your soulmate could be a foreigner. All am saying is that Filipino men already have an idea who we are – including our weaknesses and strengths. We live in the same country so its normal for us to have the same perspective in life. Wouldnt it be great to meet someone na mataas yung pasensya para kilalanin kung sino tayo? Yung lalaki na iba naman ang pananaw sa buhay?
Here’s an example. I asked my husband why he didn’t marry someone from his country. He said it’s because he already knows what to expect from women within their country. He had his reasons – whether they were positive or negative, the point is meron na syang naka set na pananaw sa isip nya pagdating sa mga babae sa kanilang bansa.
Now, please don’t take this as me saying never marry a Filipino man. Napaka daming pinoy ang masipag, may paninindigan, maka Dios at higit sa lahat loyal. It’s really just a matter of preference AND of course kung sino yung magpapatibok ng puso mo.
Now let’s get to the reasons why you SHOULD NOT marry a foreigner…
Conflict of Interests
I know I said its great to learn from other cultures but there are some instances that you might have a problem with the differences. For example: In the U.S, people are used to leaving home after they turn 18. So kanya kanya na yung buhay nila, bumibisita lang yan sa parents kapag may okasyon or walang trabaho. Pero sa kultura natin mga pinoy, hanggat maari nasa bahay tayo ng pamilya natin 24/7. We love family gatherings! Kaya malaking problema kung yung asawa mo hindi sanay na palaging bumubisita ang pamilya mo sa bahay ninyo. Magiging away yan pag tagal.
It may take some time for you to get used to the language of your foreign husband which could result in communication problems in the long run. I sometimes ran out of words to say whenever my husband and I would debate about something. I would just be quiet in the corner pero yung isip ko talak na ng talak. Lol. As you can see, that wouldn’t help in resolving the problem but worsen it instead.
People’s Judgements and Comments
You will have to deal with people’s perception and comments of you for marrying a foreign man. Here are a few things I could think of:
- Pera lang habol nyan.
- Ay “exotic” (a nicer word for “pangit”) kasi kaya naka pangasawa ng foreigner.
- Hindi sila bagay. Tangkad nung guy sya prang unano, ang liit liit!
- Akala mo kung sinong maganda, hindi naman. Nakapangasawa lang ng foreigner eh.
- Sa dinami dami ng foreigner bakit yung maitim pa?
- Dami mo na siguro pera noh?
- Hanapan mo naman ako foreigner!
- Pahiram nman ng pera total mayaman ka na.
- Uy pasalubong ah!
- Libre mo nman kmi mayaman ka na eh.
- Hindi ka ba natakot sa “laki” nung may nangyari na sainyo?
Different Perspective and Knowledge
This one is really important to consider before you look for a foreign husband. Hindi sila tulad ng mga pinoy na ka level lang natin and pag iisp at pananaw sa buhay. Ikaw ba naman lumaki at mkapag aral sa 1st world country schools talagang mas marami kang alam. Make sure you’re ready to get criticisms and advises (some of which you may not like).
Can afford Divorce
There are many factors that led to the growing number of divorce in the U. S and other first world countries. However, I can think of only one major reason why that’s the case and Filipinas should think about this before marrying a foreigner. Almost all of them can afford to pay for a divorce. While in the Philippines, there’s no divorce yet plus annulment is expensive. Couples tend to stick to each other to figure out how to solve the issue because they really have no choice but to. If you marry someone from a first world country, be sure you know what to do if one day he asks for a divorce after a week of arguing.
The disadvantages of marrying someone outside your race don’t have to stop you from falling in love. We all have flaws and it’s only normal for us to have differences. We only have to work on each other’s imperfections and be patient – be very patient during the process. For all the single Filipina ladies out there who are looking or already talking to a foreign guy right now, please take your time. Make sure you know the kind of person you’re about to marry and ask yourself – are you willing to face both the good times and the bad times with him for the rest of your life? If yes, then you’re off to a good start!
Don’t be shy! Let me know if you agree or disagree with this article by leaving a comment in the comment box below! 😉