Have you felt guilty as a mom before? I know I have. The truth is, I felt it the moment I delivered my child into this world. I’ve always felt like my child deserves better and more. That I shouldn’t have made him play in the dirt, that I may have waited too long to change his nappies, that I might not be communicating with him the right way, and all those other things that makes me feel I’m not really giving it my all.
Mom guilt is a real and a powerful thing and if we don’t realize it soon enough, we might be actually going through something even more serious concerning our mental health.
So I had to ask myself this question, “What exactly are the reason why I am feeling guilty as a mom?”
I Couldn’t Meet The Expectations of Other People
You’ve probably been in several “mom” situations before where there are enormous expectations from society, social media, family, and friends about who you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to do as a mother. People may have asked you why you work and why you aren’t or whether you’re breastfeeding or not. It feels like a constant battle of proving why you deserve and meant to be a mom. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s beyond annoying.
I know this might sound like a rant but if you keep on reading, I’ll let you know what I’m really trying to make out of this.
Aside from the sleepless nights that we have to go through to feed our babies, we also have to deal with the added pressure of people constantly telling us “breastfeeding is best.” Those who choose to pump during workdays are still judged for choosing to work instead of being with their babies. The decisions we make will always be judged because people will always have their expectations from us. It’s unreasonable but this have always been a serious problem every mother has to face. These are just some of the reasons why I’m feeling guilty as a mum.
I’m A Stay at Home Working Mom
I will never complain about being blessed with a job that I completely enjoy and love. I’m able to showcase my skills as a social media manager, content writer, scriptwriter, graphic designer and I get to work with amazing clients from around the world. I’ve talked about what I do plenty of times, I don’t want to bore you.
But to be completely honest with you, one of the reasons, why I’m feeling guilty as a mom, is because I feel like there are moments that I’m spending more time with my work rather than my son. I sometimes overwork and I would even try to ignore the mom’s guilt thinking, the more work I do, the better I will feel.
The burnout is real as I would feel really tired after a couple of hours of facing the computer. Instead of getting some rest (which I can do anytime in my line of work) and spending some quality time with my little one, I would be so obsessed about getting a certain job done.
Most people think I have the best job in the world because I still get to see my son grow, yes that is true, but it doesn’t mean I’m safe from the mom guilt and it doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with childcare or in doing household chores too. My hands are always full just like you!
How do I cope with mom guilt?
This has helped me plenty of times and I hope it would to you too. Every day when I’m feeling overwhelmed or just feeling like I’m clouded with sadness, I would take a few moments to stop and breathe. Did you know there’s actually a breathing exercise you can do to relieve stress? I’m linking it here so you can check it out.
I also brought all the reasons why I’m feeling guilty as a mom to the surface instead of just ignoring them. I’ve come to realize that what we’re feeling is totally, without a single doubt, normal. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re the ones who aren’t normal. I’ve learned to shift my thoughts from negative to positive as well. For example:
- I’m blessed to have a job I’m truly passionate about!
- I’m thankful because I still get to spend time with my little one whenever I get the chance!
- I’m happy to see my son getting everything he NEEDS and in perfect health!
- I’m thankful because I can contribute to our family’s finances!
- I’m blessed to be given the opportunity to become a mother to my children!
I want to end this blog by saying that we all struggle with perfectionism -it’s even stronger for moms. But the truth is, the only perfect thing in this world is God and His love for us. We need to stop wanting to be perfect because we will never be one. We can only do what we believe is right for our kids. I always say this and please allow me to say to it again, this time, let it sink in: you need only to your very best and God will do the rest.