Ohhhh, this is going to sting but I know there are so many women out there struggling with this. How do you deal with a husband who likes to go out for dinner or have a drink with his female co-worker after business hours, or who likes to share your relationship problems with another woman? The first thing people would tell you is, “You’re just too insecure!” or “Well, why don’t you just trust your husband?” or “They’re just friends, they’re both married for fvck sake!”
Who’s crazy now?
People will make you feel like you’re the one who’s crazy.
It’s because they don’t know who your husband is. The truth is, only YOU know who your husband is.
I am glad that my husband didn’t have female friends so this wasn’t really one of the things we both struggle with, in our marriage (we struggle w/ other things lol).
But I want to help convince you that you are not crazy, you are not alone. Let me give you a few reasons why your husband should not hang out with his female friends anymore.
They WILL Eventually Recreate the Good Ol’ Days
I mean, they’re friends! Of course, they’d love to recreate the good ol’ days. The problem here is when the female friend expects or demands your husband to be as committed to hanging out and doing things together as he previously did when he wasn’t married. So now the tension begins. If your husband doesn’t create a fine line between hanging out with his friend or hanging out with YOU more as his wife, he will end up distracted and confused. Someone will resent and regardless of who that is, all I smell is trouble.
They WILL Become Each Other’s Shoulder to Cry On and On and On and On
Another reason why your husband should not hang out with his female friends anymore is that there’s a tendency for them to become each other’s outlet. If the female friend is heartbroken, he’s going to run to your husband. If you and your husband got into an argument, he’s going to run to her. Might as well ask your husband to marry his friend, right? It’s a mess. I know emergencies and problems do happen and every one of us needs a shoulder to cry on, but if this becomes a routine especially if it’s affecting your alone time together, then that’s when it can cause damage.
A Romantic Relationship Is Not Far From Happening
In case you’re not convinced, a scientific study proved that men and women can’t be just “friends.” Your husband may think that he’s capable of being just friends with another female, but researchers found romance is often just lurking around the corner waiting to find the perfect moment. There were nearly a hundred real-life opposite-sex friend scenarios in the study, each were asked about their true feelings towards their “friend.” Guess what the result was? Men are more attracted to their female friends. They also think their female friends are more attracted to them than they really were (in bisaya we call it pelingon). Women in the study, on the other hand, weren’t generally attracted to their male friends and even assumed they were mutually not attracted to each other.
I always like to give the benefit of the doubt so let’s say, your husband is the boss and he is always expected to join with the staff and hang out after work. I don’t think a casual get together (as in once a month) is bad especially if the purpose is team building. Going out as a team is different from going out just the two of them. Huge red flag even if the other woman is married. Me saying there is a possibility of your husband falling for another woman is not the result of me watching telenovelas, or being insecure, or because I lack trust to my other half – this is based on facts, research has proven it to be true.
It is ultimately you who knows your husband more. However, it helps if both of you are clear about the limitations you have with each other when it comes to hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex.